Not Everyone is Going to Like You

Eleanor Roosevelt once said "you wouldn't worry about what others think of you, if only you realized how seldom they do." Well Eleanor, if only your words worked on eleven year olds. Back in May the oldest of my three girls came to her parents and I and told us about a sleepaway camp that she wanted to attend at the end of July. Being eleven and wanting her to start making decisions for herself and grow as a person, we all sat down and discussed the camp with her and decided if she felt she was ready to be away from home for six days then she should go. Leading up to her departure we spent many days shopping for all the necessities and talking about how much fun she was going to have, but two days before she was to leave, the look on her face had changed from excitement to fear. No longer was she conversing about the fun and new things she was going to do at camp, now she was not talking at all. As the other two girls and I planned what we would be doing for the week, the oldest became upset because she was going to miss out on day trips to the Safari Park, Panera, and Target. It was in that moment that I knew we needed to sit down and talk before she left for camp, because there was more behind her being upset about us going to Target without her. Unfortunately, that talk never happened. We were so swept up in getting her ready for camp that I wasn't able to talk with her about how she was feeling before she left. I wasn't able to go with them to drop her off at camp because I am off on Sundays, but before I left I wrote her a letter telling her how proud I was that she was going to camp for the first time and I couldn't wait to hear all about the fun things she did and the friends she made. However, when I woke up Monday morning and saw her standing in the kitchen I knew there would be no stories or new friends to talk about.

As she stood there fixing her toaster strudel the look of fear was gone and replaced with one of discomfort. It was just the two of us in the kitchen so I sat down next to her and decided we should have the talk that was needed a few days before. When I asked her what happened I was expecting her to say she didn't like the camp, or it wasn't as much fun as she thought but that wasn't her answer. She said the other girls and the counselor didn't like her and even though they didn't express that, she didn't want to stay there all week and worry about what they thought of her. Part of me wanted to tell her to suck it up but she isn't that type of child. It's my other two who I could say that to and they would move on, but the oldest is emotional, intense, and sensitive, so with that in mind I have to take another approach. I started by telling her that not everyone is going to like you and if you think that they will then you are setting yourself up for getting your feelings hurt. But just as not everyone is going to like you, you have to realize you are not going to like everyone. There will be people in your life you will have to deal with that you aren't going to like but that is part of life. We all have someone who we don't particularly care for, but you make the decision as to how you are going to deal with them. As for me I am a firm believer in you don't have to be friends with everyone but you need to be friendly. There is nothing wrong with being friendly.

With that statement I thought she had an understanding of what I was saying, and she understood that there will always be people who do not like you and those who you do not like, but she didn't want people to see her as fake or rude for being friendly to someone who she doesn't like. It was then that I remembered the quote from Eleanor Roosevelt. As I quoted the words to her I could see the wheels spinning in her head as she realized what I was saying. But it wasn't until she smiled at me that I knew the meaning behind the words hit her. Although we only exchanged smiles and "okays" I knew that she understood everything that I had said and that showed the growth that we had wanted from her.

A picture of the four of us, taken with PhotoBooth