Not Everyone is Going to Like You

Eleanor Roosevelt once said "you wouldn't worry about what others think of you, if only you realized how seldom they do." Well Eleanor, if only your words worked on eleven year olds. Back in May the oldest of my three girls came to her parents and I and told us about a sleepaway camp that she wanted to attend at the end of July. Being eleven and wanting her to start making decisions for herself and grow as a person, we all sat down and discussed the camp with her and decided if she felt she was ready to be away from home for six days then she should go. Leading up to her departure we spent many days shopping for all the necessities and talking about how much fun she was going to have, but two days before she was to leave, the look on her face had changed from excitement to fear. No longer was she conversing about the fun and new things she was going to do at camp, now she was not talking at all. As the other two girls and I planned what we would be doing for the week, the oldest became upset because she was going to miss out on day trips to the Safari Park, Panera, and Target. It was in that moment that I knew we needed to sit down and talk before she left for camp, because there was more behind her being upset about us going to Target without her. Unfortunately, that talk never happened. We were so swept up in getting her ready for camp that I wasn't able to talk with her about how she was feeling before she left. I wasn't able to go with them to drop her off at camp because I am off on Sundays, but before I left I wrote her a letter telling her how proud I was that she was going to camp for the first time and I couldn't wait to hear all about the fun things she did and the friends she made. However, when I woke up Monday morning and saw her standing in the kitchen I knew there would be no stories or new friends to talk about.

As she stood there fixing her toaster strudel the look of fear was gone and replaced with one of discomfort. It was just the two of us in the kitchen so I sat down next to her and decided we should have the talk that was needed a few days before. When I asked her what happened I was expecting her to say she didn't like the camp, or it wasn't as much fun as she thought but that wasn't her answer. She said the other girls and the counselor didn't like her and even though they didn't express that, she didn't want to stay there all week and worry about what they thought of her. Part of me wanted to tell her to suck it up but she isn't that type of child. It's my other two who I could say that to and they would move on, but the oldest is emotional, intense, and sensitive, so with that in mind I have to take another approach. I started by telling her that not everyone is going to like you and if you think that they will then you are setting yourself up for getting your feelings hurt. But just as not everyone is going to like you, you have to realize you are not going to like everyone. There will be people in your life you will have to deal with that you aren't going to like but that is part of life. We all have someone who we don't particularly care for, but you make the decision as to how you are going to deal with them. As for me I am a firm believer in you don't have to be friends with everyone but you need to be friendly. There is nothing wrong with being friendly.

With that statement I thought she had an understanding of what I was saying, and she understood that there will always be people who do not like you and those who you do not like, but she didn't want people to see her as fake or rude for being friendly to someone who she doesn't like. It was then that I remembered the quote from Eleanor Roosevelt. As I quoted the words to her I could see the wheels spinning in her head as she realized what I was saying. But it wasn't until she smiled at me that I knew the meaning behind the words hit her. Although we only exchanged smiles and "okays" I knew that she understood everything that I had said and that showed the growth that we had wanted from her.

A picture of the four of us, taken with PhotoBooth

The World Needs Some Losers

I, like majority of people on Facebook get my laugh of the day from someecards. I know you have seen them, they usually consist of a sarcastic comment with a colorful background and a person drawn in black and white. We all have that friend that post them on their wall as well as there friends wall throughout the day. Well, I ran across this one the other day and not only did it make me laugh but it made me think, 'Dear Lord this is true, and I know it is true because I have seen it first hand.'

My middle girl is on the swim team at our country club and she is by far the best swimmer in her age group (Proud Swim Nanny right here), however she is only seven. She, like half of the team are on there for competition and enjoyment. She really loves to swim and loves to compete as well, however the other half of the team is not there for those reasons. They are there because there parents are making them spend some time outside this summer, instead of sitting inside watching Nickelodeon,--which would have been my choice as a kid, but now you couldn't pay me to watch the garbage that is on there-- and snacking all day. It wasn't until the first swim meet that I realized kids like the ones on the swim team are going to run the world one day and it is going to be a sad day when it happens.

The relay team that she is on consist of three other kids her age, one competitive, two forced to be there. As soon as they blew the horn my kid was off and once she touched the wall, the next swimmer went just as fast, but sadly the last two laps were completed by the other members and since they could care less, they placed sixth. My first thought was sixth place, why even bother, what color is that ribbon, brown? I understand you need to support your children and encourage them to do there best, but sixth place. After third place there should be a participation "high five" because once you go past third you are basically saying "good job for finishing." But that wasn't the part that scared me, it was seeing a kid freak out over coming in second out of twelve. He was inconsolable. He stood there screaming and throwing his hands up in the air like they had just told he came in twelfth. As a matter of fact the kid that came in twelfth showed no emotion and later appeared happy with his white ribbon (after eighth place they start repeating the colors). But the second place child never appeared happy. When his parents tried to console him it only made it worse because he then yelled at them. It was in that moment that I thought he would soon be taking a trip to the bathroom, but no his parents allowed him to berate them and the other children. Once his moment--as his mother called it--was over he collected his swim cap and goggles and left the pool.

Even though he was gone I couldn't get over the fact that a child had acted that way in public. I thought back to when I was a child and wondered if I ever acted that way, and what I would do if one of my girls ever behaved that way in public. As there nanny it is my job to make sure they behave the right way and even though I know they would never do anything like that I have seen it done by other children enough to be scared. Scared of what the world will become when we have kids who get a ribbon for twelfth place and who throw a fit over second place. It gave me reassurance to know that other people have this fear as well (enough people for a someecard to be made in it's honor). I know this is something small to be scared about and I'm not losing sleep at night over but it was situations like that, that made me realize the world needs some losers. We can't have our kids thinking they deserve a ribbon for everything they do, if that's the case then I would be giving out ribbons to my youngest for washing her hands after using the bathroom and using a fork instead of her fingers to eat. I would have to not only repeat colors but make up new ones. We need to let our kids know that they are doing a great job with a word of encouragement or congratulations not trophies and ribbons. And we need to make sure our kids know that not everyone is going to win, someone has to lose, and it may be us and it will suck, but we can work hard to improve. Kids need to know that losing isn't the worst thing in the world, the card above shows what is. :)

Inexperienced and Overqualified

Inexperienced and overqualified, the two qualities that I apparently posses according to potential employers. Before I even finished my final semester at Radford, I was applying for jobs. If it sounded like something I would like, I applied for it. Having worked with children and in the human service field I set my sights on jobs that allowed me to show off my skills and knowledge. However, my six years of wiping noses and settling fights at the local Daycare did not give me enough experience to tell others how to handle children, and sadly my college degree for an entry level position meant I was overqualified and would probably leave at the first chance for something better.

The emails kept coming in--yes emails, no one calls anymore--and if one said overqualified the other said inexperienced. I knew I was overqualified for some of those positions but inexperienced. Excuse me, I am anything but inexperienced. Six years of listening to kids whine about how much they hate school, 3 semesters of spending time with underprivileged kids who would rather go to school than go home, and many months of dealing with families whose kids have missed so much school they must take classes in order to prove they are not negligent. I made it through all of that and learned exactly what to do in any situation involving all types of children, but yet I had not learned enough. If there was anything I learned through the four months of searching for jobs it was how different interviews can go.

The questions for each interview are based on the position you are applying for but the employer also wants to know about you and it is with those questions that I freak out. Even though I know myself and am pretty confident with who I am I find it hard to talk about myself as freely as they want in interviews. The questions range from why did you major in sociology and english to what are your hobbies. That's another thing that eats me alive, the word hobby. Whenever I hear that word I immediately think of filling out a Myspace profile with my hobbies that consisted of "shopping, talking on the phone, and hanging out with my friends." That's what I think when I hear hobby but that is not the answer potential employers want to hear. They want to know that when you say you love to read, that you actually read. You can bet 90% of the time when you mention reading the next question is going to be, what was the last book you read? Unfortunately for me my go-to answer is "The Great Gatsby, it's my favorite book I reread it all the time" but in reality the last book I read, How to Talk to A Widower, is a book about a man whose wife recently died and he sluts his way around his neighborhood while trying to raise his step-son. Employers don't want to hear that, and they certainly don't want to hear that you enjoy shopping or hanging with your friends. They say they want to know more about you but the real me is not the girl you are interviewing. It wasn't until I had an interviewer ask me what were my guilty pleasures that I knew I couldn't be myself. The answer that I wanted to give was "I don't feel guilty about my pleasures" but that would not to go over very well, so instead I went with the generic answer of "chocolate" and prayed for the questions to be over. The last question of the interview was the hardest and the one that lost it for me. I should have been prepared but I had lost myself so much in the interview that I felt I had to be honest. When the interviewer asked what my dream job was I sat there and thought for what felt like forever and finally answered "I don't know." As soon as the words left my mouth my subconscious began screaming at me and begging to take back what I said, but it was too late. I had to then say why I didn't know what my dream job was and I chalked it up to being young and having so many years ahead of me to figure it out but that's not what anyone wants to hear. They want to hear this job is your dream job, but in that moment my dream job would be to have a job, no matter what it was. It was once that interview was over that I realized I wasn't ready for a real job, I wanted to go back to school when it was easy and all I had to do was go to class but I didn't want to do the work. It seemed as if I was living in a Catch-22 situation and I knew I had to figure something out. Luckily for me the situation would soon be resolved.

While I was still at Radford, I had wanted to make some extra money and thought about putting my daycare skills to use. I filled out a profile on nanniesforhire.com and figured if someone was interested they would contact me. Two months after graduating I received an email from a family in Charlottesville, telling me that they were in need of a new nanny for their three daughters because there live-in nanny would be leaving in April. I had completely forgotten about the profile but I felt that with me being inexperienced and overqualified, emailing them back couldn't hurt anything. After corresponding with the family and learning more about them I decided to go for a weekend visit. I would be lying if I said it wasn't love at first sight. I loved everything from the home to the family, and being in Charlottesville was an added bonus. It was the first time during an interview that I was able to be myself. I could laugh and joke with the girls and felt that just as comfortable with their family as I was with my own. At the end of my weekend the family offered me the position of being their full-time nanny and I quickly accepted. I knew that this would be the perfect plan for me at this time in my life. It would help me to gain experience in working with children full-time as well as figure out what my dream job was. It was with that plan that I began my life as a nanny.